OK, First and foremost, I did NOT watch the Tony's yet. I'll watch it eventually.
Now that that is out the way, I want to reflect on my theatre experience as a woman of color.
I have not had a dying desire to perform and audition for musicals as much as I have in the past. I would almost say I am falling out of love with musical theatre, but I don't think that is the case. I think I'm just uninspired at the moment. There aren't any musicals that catch my fancy right now. For example, I have lots of friends who love Hamilton. Now- and this is just my opinion so don't hurt me- I don't care for the music. If I get the chance to see the musical some day, I might change my mind- but for now... I just don't like it and I'm personally okay with that.
I am also aware that my growing disinterest for musical theatre has mostly to do with me still living in my hometown where the theatre pool is now, to me, so small that I don't feel like I can grow anymore. I have to remember that the companies I work for are, first and foremost, a business. And the clients (the audience) is first priority because they are the ones who are paying to see these shows and giving their donations and all the things that keep everyone employed. Which means the business has to do shows that the audiences are going to come see. Which, unfortunately, means I will more than likely only be seen on one of these important stages as a stereotypical black woman character/role. And I'm tired of that.
But we all know I'm a creative and love performing in many other ways than just the stage, so I have been working to channel my creative energy elsewhere. I have picked back up playing the piano more regularly, I am in the process of creating youtube content, I want to interview and create discussion topics/talking points with content that most folks aren't comfortable talking about. I want to begin painting, drawing, creating music, etc. I've been inspired by the Childish Gambino's and Janelle Monae's of the world. That's the type of creative energy that's been locked up in my brain for far too long. I've only once or twice been able to emote some of those thoughts and ideas out to others on stage these past couple of years.... but now I want to use my time and energy to focus on that more. I'm so excited for what is to come.
I'm ready to be creative for me. Not for anyone else... just me. I'm ready to use art to express my life more. I feel confident I can do that without much thought. If I think too hard, it never comes out right.